This post has been months in the making, I have been absent from my blog to collect my thoughts and work on myself. The past 3 months have consisted of my worst times and are now leading me to my best times. That being said, I have learned SO much in the past 3 months and I am now ready to share it with you.
If you know me, you may know that I am a people pleaser. For the longest time I have gone through life putting others before myself. I always saw it as a good trait, I thought that was how you maintain relationships with people. I would go to events or hangout with people even if I was in deep need of a night in. I did this because I NEVER wanted to upset anyone. I prioritized everyone else’s happiness before my own. I believed that I was a kind and caring person for being this way. However, it led to me hurting people I loved, damaging relationships, and ultimately damaging myself.
Freshman year of college was a whirlwind, there were so many people to meet, relationships to form, and things to experience. I was swept off my feet by new friendships, and a new relationship. I felt so blessed to have all of this love in my life, however my habit of trying to please resulted in anxiety attacks and extremely low self-esteem. My attempt to make everyone happy was backfiring because I was actually hurting the people around me. I struggled with this for over a year. It wasn’t until about a month ago that I woke up and realized what the real problem was, I was doing it all wrong.
Since I can remember I have tried my best to make everyone else as happy as possible, however I forgot one important person, myself. The only person on this earth that I can make happy is myself. If I am not happy, I am not able to share happiness with others.
It took a low point in my life to figure this out, I had to go through a loss, make mistakes, lose myself, and in the end find my way back to my true self and the person I love. So the question is, how do you learn to live for yourself? There is no specific answer, it is something you learn through life experiences.
However, it is important that you take control of your life. You must listen to your heart. It is easy (especially in high school and college) for opinions to influence your life, but no one knows you like you. People will always talk, people will always have opinions, let them. Their opinions do not define you, you have control over your life and your happiness. If you let other people hold you down you will never reach your true fulfilled self.
It is okay to stand up for yourself. Don’t be afraid to disagree, don’t be afraid to remove yourself from toxic situations, don’t be afraid to do what is best for you. These are traits of a self loving person, someone who respects themselves enough to do what is necessary for their mental and physical health.
No, you are not perfect, nor am I or anyone for that matter. We live to make mistakes and learn from them. You will experience hard times, these are opportunities to show your strength and character. How are you going to handle tough situations? You might not get it right the first time, and that is okay. That is learning. We all are going to mess up, but those who love us will support us anyway.
My last piece of advice is to surround yourself with people who support you. When you find confidence and self-love, you will be okay with walking away from those who do not better you, and you will become aware of the people who do.
So how do you live your life for you? You just do it.
*Side note: I HIGHLY recommend this book for all of you who are battling with self confidence, self love or any struggle with your mind. This man is a genius. I will link it below, I swear it has already changed my whole process of thinking.
Through my process of learning and times of pain, I had abandoned my relationship with God. It wasn’t until I picked up my devotionals and Bible that I realized I needed Him more than anyone on this earth. He is the answer. It is so hard to pick a verse for this post because there are so many I could do.
I picked James 1:2-3 “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.”
What I took from this passage is that everything God permits us to go through will ultimately be good for us. We must embrace his tests and trials and be thankful, for these are the things that make us stronger. The hard times are all part of the plan, we eventually realize why we had to go through them.
Thanks for being here!